I was perusing the non-fiction section of the library the other day, because I want to be able to do something, besides bore people, with my 2500 Italy pictures. Most of the computer books were about systems and programs unheard of by me, but I found one that I thought I could handle: “Digital Photo Editing for SENIORS” (emphasis theirs, like old people can only read capitals!) I can get red-eye out and brighten up dark pictures, but not much beyond that. I have a picture from a cathedral of an exquisite bas-relief sculpture with a stupid water bottle in front of it! It would be really nice to get that sucker out of there. I would eventually like to use Power Point to make a presentation, so I picked up a manual on its use. I’m hoping I can quickly glean the basics from the 400-page book, because if I have to read the whole thing, Italy and the rest of Europe may have, in the interim, completely succumbed to plate tectonics.
I wandered through the rest of the non-fiction and came upon the section that offers medical and psychological advice for the common folk, otherwise known as “self-help.” It turns out we need a lot of help, because this is a huge section. Guidance gurus are making quite a tidy profit pointing out all of our inadequacies, and it seems that very few of us are living as we should. It’s a good thing there are so many people with greater insight that are willing to share the truth with us. I, for one, am grateful to find out that teenagers can be difficult to live with and that families are very often not the pictures of harmony presented in the family sitcoms of yesteryear. I was raised on Father Knows Best and The Donna Reed Show, so my expectations were high. I’d been wondering for years why my alcohol consumption doubled during family visits.
I’m all for self-improvement. Sadly, many who need it most think they are perfect and will never grace the aisles of the self-help section. At least there are plenty of books to help the rest of us deal with them. There are a plethora of titles and subjects. I like the ones with a limited timeframe in which to reach a desired result. For instance, Self Magazine's 15 Minutes to Your Best Self, The 3-Hour Diet, 7 Days to Confidence, and 40 Days to Personal Revolution. And to think people spend years in therapy! If you have a little more time to invest, there is Body for Life: 12 Weeks to Mental and Physical Strength or Seven Weeks to Sobriety. (If your not that committed, you may prefer 7 Weeks to Safe Social Drinking.) These are my kind of books. After a specified time period, I can admit defeat and go back to my regular life. Or I can turn to my handy copy of Accepting Yourself: Liking Yourself All of the Time.
Many self-help authors have boiled their philosophies down to a finite number of steps. This can be very helpful for those of us who can manage only a little self-improvement at a time. Five Simple Steps to Emotional Healing sounds easy enough as does 7 Steps to Being Happy from the Inside Out. I can even handle 21 Guides to Emotional Self Control. But you are just pushing the limit with 100 Essential Steps to Less Stress and Anxiety. Oh my god! I think I may have missed a step! Or 365 Steps to Self-confidence. What? This is going to take a whole frikken year? Can I do them all in one day? How about the monstrous 611 Ways to Boost Your Self-Esteem. Come on now! Really? You couldn’t make it an even 600?
I found myself drawn to titles that seemed to contradict themselves. The Complete Idiot's Guide to Enhancing Self-Esteem. Is calling me a complete idiot really supposed to make me feel better about myself? Anger Management For Dummies. Who are you calling a dummy?? How about saying that to my face, you SOB!!! 500 Ways to Simplify Your Life. If I do them all, will I be Amish? The Relaxation & Stress Reduction Workbook. Relaxing as work. Interesting concept. Speaking of workbooks, there were plenty of them on the self-help shelves. Mastery of Your Anxiety and Worry Workbook. I’m pretty good at being anxious and worrying, but I could probably be better. The Memory Workbook: Breakthrough Techniques to…Improve Your Memory. Now, if I could only remember where the hell I put that thing…
There were some titles that really made me stop and think. Children of the Self-Absorbed: A Grown-up's Guide to Getting over Narcissistic Parents. In case you didn’t find this book before you chose a partner, Loving the Self-Absorbed: How to Create a More Satisfying Relationship with a Narcissistic Partner. I’m OK, but you’re better? Real Men Don't Lay on the Couch All Day. What if he’s lying on the couch, but he’s reading this book? Etiquette For Dummies. Rule #1: It is NOT polite to refer to people as “dummies!” The Procrastination Workbook. I need help with this, so I checked it out to work on later. You Mean I'm Not Lazy, Stupid or Crazy?!…Adults With ADD. Ooooh…I think I’ve finally been diagnosed. 31 Words to Create a Guilt-Free Life: Finding the Freedom to be Your Most Powerful Self - A Simple Guide to Self-Care, Balance, and Joy (39 Power Words.) Damn! Just a couple more, and there would have been 31 words in the title! Surviving a Borderline Parent. Borderline parent? Isn’t that like being a little bit pregnant? Or are we talking about people raised close to Canada or Mexico?
The catchy or quirky titles always brought a smile to my face. With an industry this size, it’s important to find a title that jumps off the shelf at you. Why Men Love Bitches: From Doormat to Dreamgirl. I am looking at my husband in a whole new light now. How to Eat Like a Hot Chick: Eat What You Love, Love How You Feel. This sounds like something I can get behind. (Or will it get me a behind?) Don't Shoot Yourself in the Foot. This could be about self-defeating behaviors or a guide for masochists. Nuances of Nasal & Sinus Self-Help. Poetic alliteration, don’t you think? For those who have just a hint of congestion? Or a subtle snort from post-nasal drip?
Are there self-help books to help you with self-help books? You betcha! Overcoming Your Addiction To Self-Help Books is a great companion to The Last Self-Help Book You'll Ever Need. If you just can’t give them up, there are books to tell you which ones to read, like 50 Self-Help Classics, and even HOW to read them, as in How to Read How-To and Self-Help Books: Getting Real Results from the Advice You Get. And if you’re beyond reading them, you may want to try your hand at writing them. Choose from Writing Successful Self-Help and How-To Books or the inspiring How an Idiot Writes a Self-Help Book. And you don’t have to confine yourself to helping people. I found one in the pet section. Heeling the Canine Within: A Dog Self-Help Companion... The very witty Liane Leshne helps dogs “confront feelings of mixed-breed inadequacy, stop burying the past (and digging it up again) and resist owner-inflicted cross-dressing” I’m too busy reading other people’s books to write a self-help book, but I did employ my perverse wit to come up with some titles. Feel free to use these, or add a few of your own.
Attacking Your Angry Self
Timeless Tips for the Chronically Late
Bet on Yourself: Stop Your Gambling Addiction
Access Your Higher Self And Overcome Acrophobia
A Frame Of Reference For Borderline Personality Disorder
Follow Me To The Leader Within You
Facing Change With Multiple Personality Disorder
And yes, Virginia, there is a Ventriloquism For Dummies.
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